Bad burnout: one year on

My sister called it my "burnaversary". I felt the need to mark it.

Did you know that just prior to a snake shedding their skin, there is a period of time where they cannot see properly? Their eyes become an opaque cloudy colour, hindering their vision. It becomes sort of a “temporary filter” over the eyes. Then the snake will go around searching for something abrasive to rub its head on—like a rock for example—and tear off the outer layer, leaving it behind. Once the shedding has happened, the eyes clear up again. That’s how I felt last year. My vision was totally different; my perspective, my outlook. Everything became muffled. I was looking for something abrasive to finally allow me to shed. I wanted to leave my old skin behind.

“It’s your burnaversary,” my sister said, last month, linking my arm as we walked to get coffee. One whole year had passed since I lost my mind and cried down the phone to my colleagues wearing crocs and a massive coat in my local park telling them I can’t do any of the work I’d said I’d do.