On accepting who we are

pressing pause on self-improvement for a sec

Last Summer, I went for a swim at Brockwell Lido with a friend. We put our bags down and sat on our towels for a moment. It was June and the sun was out. We were chatting away and I remember saying something, realising I was monologuing by accident. (Julia Cameron explains that ‘monologuing’ is when someone is talking interrupted for a bit too long.) I was monologuing about how I can never seem to reflect properly on any project I’ve just done. I’m always on to the next thing. Surely I should take more time to look back on what I’ve just done. My monologue was quite self-critical.

She looked at me blankly, but smiling, and just said: “hmmm but maybe that’s just how you are?”

I breathed out for a moment.

“Maybe you don’t need to change?” she added. The small print: things are working out quite well. As they are. She has seen me go through the same cycles again and again with my work and life. This is a friend I’ve known for years and years and who knows me well. I stopped talking then, because a sense of relaxation took over my entire body. Maybe, that’s just how you are.