Substack stage fright
And a two year anniversary discount code! 40% OFF flash sale.
Two years ago, I went for lunch with
. I had just interviewed her at Soho Radio, the topic being: “newsletters are the new magazines.” (I had interviewed her once before too, in 2018, about child-free life. Back then she was the editor of Cosmopolitan, a few months before she announced a big move to ELLE.) She was telling me about her new role at Substack and I was fidgeting in my seat, bristling slightly, my hands clammy. I was very intrigued by this growing platform for writers, and felt very excited by it, but I knew I was way too burnt out to think about diving in. We went for lunch afterwards across the road. She thought I’d be great on Substack, had I thought about giving it a go?I responded with “all sounds amazing but not for me, not right now.” I mumbled something about not having any time — but explained how I loved Substack as a reader, which was true. I’d cancelled all my magazine subscriptions and was solely reading writers on Substack. Then we spoke about other things. I ordered crab linguine and tried to ignore the strange tightness (and sadness) in my stomach.
This is what had happened: I’d gained an element of success as a writer (a few published books, some followers on Instagram) and then… I fell into the classic trap of.. not writing.
Your diary gets full of other things. Other people’s requests, other people’s agendas, other people’s meetings, other people’s emails. I remember one meeting (that I’d travelled an hour into central London for) with A Very Important Woman In The Industry who was typing on her phone with one hand the entire time and clearly so uninterested, even though she had asked for the meeting. What the hell?
If you become a writer who does not write (and instead you are sitting in pointless meetings) then: something somewhere has gone a bit wrong.
I was miserable because I was doing everything but writing. A weekly podcast where I interviewed other writers instead of writing myself, endless meetings, TV/radio pitches for things that ultimately always ended up going to Nepo Babies anyway.
I needed to get my bum in the chair again, get my fingers moving across a keyboard again. It was clear during my meeting with Farrah (one meeting I was glad I did take) that this was the “something new” I’d been looking for. I was having a physical reaction because of course, my body knew.
This defensiveness I felt at the prospect of starting a Substack two years ago happens a lot when I coach people. The first step is often to outright dismiss something you secretly want to do. “No, no, it’s just impossible and not going to work.” Then slowly, slowly, layer by layer, we often begin to realise that something might actually work. But first, something has to change.
Writer’s gonna write. It’s been such a wonderful experience to put my writing first again. Writing is back in the centre of everything I do.
I was thinking of my friend
the other day. I met her in 2017 backstage at an event called Blogtacular. I did a talk on how ‘podcasting was the new blogging’. Natalie did a brilliant talk with the topic being “Happy Accidents” — the idea that if you follow your heart and do things for fun, you will stumble across opportunities that feel like a happy accident. Not everything can be strategised or planned or second guessed.This resurgence of blogging/newsletter-ing for me feels like a Happy Accident. As we all know, nature works in spirals, and things have gone full circle again recently. I am essentially blogging again. I bought some old Jacqueline Wilson books the other day. Paul wants to buy a new camera and get back to his original passion. I bought some hair-clips reminiscent of Claire’s Accessories. I think we go through life getting shit done and “adulting” (SORRY) and then we revert back. We revert back to our child-like nature while we meltdown and morph into our next identity. We always revert back. That kid-self who just wanted to nap and watch TV and play and make and get their hands covered in ink reappears. She always reappears. A ghostly warm figure, who says: REMEMBER ALL THIS STUFF YOU REALLY LIKE? And then you remember and step into the new version of yourself, again. And again, and again. For me, the thing I really like is writing. The ghost of my younger self doesn’t let me slide away from it for too long.
My Happy Accident (this Substack page) keeps growing and growing and I am so grateful.
recently recommended The Hyphen and I’m getting a lot of new readers every week. The only thing is: for a lot of my career I’ve actually not ever had a huge influx at once. I’m a slow-growth kinda gal. Even though I do press around my book launches, I go into hiding again afterwards. I rarely do big on-stage events. I like to remain cosy and happy and somewhat sheltered from the performative world of The Industry and Posed Photos On Getty Images. This newsletter community got me through burnout with a comment section that felt like it was just filled with fellow creative/writers mates. Then, things that feel manageable start growing. They start to feel unwieldy and unmanageable. I start to get stage fright. I start to want to shut it all down. (Why yes, I am the author of Sabotage! A book about self-sabotage!)This is why the paywall is important to me, and creates a safe space to write. This is why joining The Hyphen membership community is really the only way to enjoy this newsletter. I want this Substack to feel small and manageable and personal and that means I can only keep writing it if it is for my paid community. So thank you for being here. I would love to use this opportunity to ask what sort of things you have been enjoying lately — and hopefully I can offer more of what you’re enjoying.
I write about books, wellbeing, media trends, the publishing industry, technology, literature, culture and creativity. I share the behind-the-scenes of being a writer and a creative who makes a living through multiple creative income streams. I curate round-ups that will leave you feeling inspired. I publish excellent guest authors. I will continue to use this space to get conversations going, share resources and be as generous as I can in sharing knowledge and insight of being a creative multi-hyphenate with lots of ideas and coaching prompts too. Come and join! To celebrate my two-year anniversary, here is a 24-hour flash-sale. Button above. Enjoy!